One of the ways to show someone you love them is through affection, but what is affection? I didn’t realise how confused I was about the true meaning of it until I complained that someone wasn’t giving me enough of it. According to the dictionary, affection is “a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something”. Even reading this now I’m surprised, as I always saw affection as an action rather than a feeling.
Affection in My Life
To me, it all ties back to the 5 love languages, particularly the physical touch one. I see affection as a loving touch. It could be a rub on the shoulder, a side hug, a full-on hug, or a kiss. This may sound very PG but let’s start here. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I recognised that physical touch was in my top 2 love languages and something that I really craved. However, going from an unhealthy relationship to a healthy one I had to really reflect on my understanding of affection. I realised that I so deeply desired to be touched, that I mistook forced kisses, hugs, groping and more for affection. As long as I was held, even if I had initially rejected it – I thought I was being loved.
Healthy Affection
Fast forward to the relationship I am in now, we both have so much respect for each other that we wouldn’t dare force any type of physical contact. The sad part is that it took me a while to get used to it. In my mind, if I wasn’t touched – I wasn’t loved. I am so glad that I complained about the lack of touch in the beginning stages of getting to know each other. That forced me to look at myself and my shocking standards. My understanding of affection was completely messed up. As the dictionary clearly defines it, affection is tender, shown with care. Affection synonyms are fondness, love, devotion. If you are being forced into any type of physical display of “affection”, it’s more likely a display of that person’s attraction to you and disrespect. It has nothing to do with being tender and caring for you.
Public Display of Affection
Now, what does a public display of affection look like? I’m sure there would be lots of opinions on this, and it’s usually simply defined as physical touch in a public place. I’d go a step further and say that it’s physical touch that you are comfortable with. If you are only comfortable with holding hands in public, you should never be pressured to do more than that. If you are – take it as a serious red flag that it is.
Final Thoughts
The reason I’ve felt compelled to write about what is affection is that I clearly didn’t know the answer to that question until just months ago. I think having clear ideas of it can be such a huge part of a healthy foundation for a relationship. It ties in with having healthy boundaries. If you know what you consider affection and what you are comfortable with, you’re setting up healthy boundaries. Whether you’re already dating someone or hope to in the future, this will help you protect your heart. If you have a different understanding of affection, I’d love to hear it in the comments!