It’s time to discuss red flags in a romantic relationship again! I’ve mentioned how to recognise them before and wrote a list of 9 red flags. However, even then I knew that I could go on and on and it was simply too triggering to keep going. Before I start, let’s get one thing straight. Red flags are not the same as icks. Ick is basically a turn-off, any minor detail could be an individual’s ick. A red flag is a warning sign. It’s waving in your face, trying to show you what’s coming.
A List of Red Flags
1. You’re Not Allowed Friends of the Opposite Sex
From the get-go, I know this could be controversial and polarising. It’s an age-old debate whether people of the opposite sexes can be just friends. In my opinion, there is a very fine line between being platonic friends and becoming too close and emotionally involved. That being said, your partner shouldn’t be dictating who you are or aren’t allowed to spend time with. If you have very different interests and yours are more fun when done with someone, you shouldn’t give up your interests. Maybe compromise how often you do it alone and how often you do the activity with people of the opposite sex. Perhaps a solution would be to do it in bigger groups. But there usually is a solution. It should be up to you to decide what jeopardises your romantic relationship and where boundaries need to be set.
2. They Have a Best Friend of the Opposite Sex
Following on from there – I think it is highly concerning if the person you’re dating has a very close relationship with someone else of the opposite sex. When emotional bonds are created, they will inevitably create temptation. If anything, that bond can be much stronger than the romantic one you’ve started building much more recently. And while we shouldn’t abandon our friends when we start dating, it once again comes down to boundaries. If you express to your partner that you’re uncomfortable with a specific friendship, how do they react? Do they get defensive? Do they listen to you and validate your feelings? Pay very close attention.
3. Lack of Empathy
This may be too obvious even to spell out, but I thought I should. If they show a lack of empathy at any point, pay very close attention. You could be sharing your past experiences, or maybe the experiences of someone else. Do they empathise with the victim or defend the perpetrator? That could tell you a lot about who they relate to.
4. Love Bombing
If it feels too good to be true right out of the gate – it probably is. That is called love bombing these days. If they’re showering you with gifts, promising you the world and telling you how much they like you while they barely know you – tread cautiously. This is a tactic commonly used by narcissists and other selfish people to get what they want. They know that by making you feel special and loved, they’ll be able to achieve their goal. While it can be easy to get swept away by all the sweet-talking, try and give it time. Look for consistency.
5. They’re Obsessed With You
Some people want their partner to be obsessed with them. I don’t think that’s healthy. We’re all individuals with our own lives. Someone else’s life and wellbeing shouldn’t revolve around you. This could be a sign of an anxious attachment style. Having read a book about it and having seen a transformation in myself, I think an anxious attachment style is a sign of needing therapy. That kind of person relies on outside validation. Real, healthy self-worth comes from within. It’s an inside job, as some people say.
6. Lack of Effort
While we all show our best sides in the beginning stages, keep your eyes open for what comes next. If the person shows zero initiative, doesn’t plan any dates, never reaches out first, that’s just telling of things to come. Imagine sharing a life with someone who couldn’t even put effort into the stage of pursuit. Now that they have you – why try?
Final Thoughts
I’m sure there are many, many more red flags we should all be on the lookout for. Are there any that you ignored or wish someone had pointed out to you? Red flags in a romantic relationship can be difficult to spot, let’s help each other out! And if you read this and related to the red flag behaviour, don’t take this as a personal attack. Take some time to reflect, maybe take it as an opportunity to grow. Or maybe completely disregard everything you’ve read and live life as you have until this point. It’s obviously up to you. Let me know in the comments if you have anything to add to my list of red flags.