First dates can be really nerve-wracking, so I’ve compiled a list of questions to ask on a first date. I have to be honest, I haven’t dated much. Or, to be even more honest, I’ve gone on dates with two men and both of those turned into serious relationships. But, I learned a lot in between those relationships, listened to lots of podcasts, and read various books. The time I took between those relationships to learn and grow proved really worthwhile. So now I’m here to share with you what I’ve learned.
Tips for Your First Date
1. Have Fun
This may sound like a cliche, but your goal on the first date should be to have a nice time. Spend that time getting to know the person, and seeing if you have things in common. Don’t try and figure out if they are your future partner on the first date.
2. Focus on Learning About Them
This is where asking the right questions becomes really important. The first date shouldn’t be an interview to see if you both want the same things in a relationship or marriage. Marriage is miles away at this point. It should be about seeing what you’re both like, what’s important to you, and what you’re passionate about.
Do You Like Them VS Do They Like You
Your ultimate goal on the first date shouldn’t be to be liked. Chances are – they’re a complete stranger or someone you barely know. Their opinion of you doesn’t really matter at this point. What does matter is figuring out if you like them. Are they being respectful, do they ask questions, are they kind to people around you? These are a few of the questions to ask yourself. Now let’s get to the questions to ask the person you’re on a date with.
Questions to Ask on a First Date
Remember, your goal is to get to know the person, not whether all of your life goals align. I would also avoid talking about past relationships at this point. Sharing really personal experiences could create a false sense of closeness at a very early stage. Here are a few suggestions:
- Ask them about their family. It’s also good to avoid yes/no questions, so the easiest way to start this topic is to simply ask them about their family. Who are they close with? What kind of relationship do they have with their siblings? It’s a personal question that can tell you a lot about how they view relationships.
- Ask them about what they do in life, but also ask what they like about it. What are their dreams for their career? People love talking about their passions.
Use this time to get to ask random questions as sort of a game.
- What are some fun/random facts about you? For example, I usually tell people that I can say at least one sentence in 17 languages and that I have a tiny pebble in my knee (a long story, which also opens up the door to tell the story).
- What is your proudest achievement?
- What are some things on your bucket list you hope to fulfil soon?
- If you could jump on a plane tomorrow, where would you go?
- What did you like most about the place you grew up?
Final Thoughts
The choice of what to talk about is yours, but I hope this short list was helpful. If you’d like more suggestions, the Gottman Institute has various resources, including an app with question cards for dates. I’d love to hear from you what questions you’ve found revealing and would add to this list!