I’m no dating guru, but I think the question of is it infatuation or love is an important one to discuss. My last blog post sparked some interesting conversations, thanks to everyone who’s read it! On top of that, it made me realise how different everyone’s definition of love is. One of my friends said he told his then-girlfriend that he loved her after two dates. And that is how the idea for this blog post was born.
I guess I’ll start off by saying it’s okay to have different definitions of what love is. As long as you and the person you’re dating are on the same page, it shouldn’t be an issue. However, for the purpose of this post, I’d like to share what I think the main differences are.
Is Love a Feeling or Not?
I think that love is a verb. It’s all about actions you take to show someone you love them. It’s about finding out about their love language, about being kind to them despite their annoying habits, about talking through your differences instead of walking away when things get hard. Love is about being patient, trusting, and selfless. Basically 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, I think that’s the most real definition of love, whether you’re a Christian or not.
What is Infatuation?
Now how do I understand infatuation? That’s the warm, fuzzy feeling you get in the early stages of dating. The person you’re into can do no wrong, are the most amazing person you’ve ever met and you feel butterflies whenever you’re around them or even just think about them. Don’t get me wrong, I think all these sensations also come when you genuinely fall in love with someone, having seen their flaws and behavioural patterns over time. But I don’t think these feelings are indicators of love in the early stages when you fall for the idea of someone, or their best self, rather than who they are all the time. And it’s completely normal to show your best self in the beginning stages of dating.
I sometimes wonder if I’m still showing my best side six months into a relationship. Six months without my man seeing me hangry? Sounds unnatural to me, but here we are. But that’s the point. Even six months in I still question if I’m being my most authentic self, and I’m pretty sure it’s scientifically proven that our brains send signals to our bodies saying we’re feeling better than we actually are when we’re infatuated with someone. We’re biologically programmed to not deter someone early on.
How Do You Know It’s Love?
That’s why I think love comes with time. Love comes as an action and as a choice. When you’ve seen how the other person acts in disappointing situations, how they act when you are going through challenges, how they treat their family and so on. But that’s how I answer the question of is it infatuation or love.
How Did You Know You Were in Love?
I’d love to hear how you knew you were in love with your current partner, or if you’re single – maybe the last time you were in love. When I asked this question in person I was fascinated by the wide range of responses!
I think I still realize I am in love each day I am with my husband. It started with seeing things about him that I had only prayed to God about (asking for my future husband to be this and that). Starting off with learning how faithful he is (to God) and seeing how close he was with his family and how much he loved and respected his parents. Then when we started to argue, how level headed he was and how he is able to put his irritated thoughts in to meaningful healthy words. I still find myself going to my default, and starting off defensive in an argument before I realize he isn’t angry at me, he and I just don’t always see eye to eye and talking it out is the quickest way to get to the next step. I find myself in love everyday with the way he works hard in life and in our relationship, and how he adapts for me as I have for him. I am in love with how good he is for me (I feel healthier mentally) and how much he is helping me through our life.
I know love is a feeling but I also believe it is a choice and I am so thankful for the love we choose each day.
This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing, Sonshyne. And I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found that type of love.
Well this is a really well-written article, first of all, so thank you for it! Secondly, it’s so nice to see that there is someone who can treat this topic not as it is normally done nowadays: whenever people talk about feelings, there are sexual relations involved. It is just great to read about the honest and pure sentiments as, in my opinion, this is what our society needs to be doing. Thirdly, I think I’ve been only once in love, and I realised it 5-6 months after I started dating this person. You’re totally right, it’s about your personal choice and time. Only time can prove that the person you see in front of you is not a character he’d made up, but someone real. And this is when trust pushes you to accept all of this person. So yeah, I think it’s almost impossible to fall in love at a first sight!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Valeria! I’m glad you found someone and that you took your time to really get to know him.