It’s essential to know your expectations in dating and how to set them. Why? Because then you won’t settle for less, you’ll communicate your needs better, and you’ll set yourself up for success. Dating can be challenging. The better you know what you want – the easier it will be.
How to Communicate Expectations
I previously wrote about setting expectations in the early stages of dating. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on repeating myself. This time I’d like to focus on expectations once you’re already in a relationship. Ideally, you would set these expectations early on, but it’s okay if you haven’t. It’s never too late.
Where to start
I think one of the most basic things to establish when dating someone is how often you expect to see them. Once you’ve established that you are focusing on one another and nobody else, it helps to know what both of you expect. Depending on your personality, you might want more alone time than the other person, or vice versa. If you respect each other’s needs, that shouldn’t be an issue. Have a chat with one another and simply ask how many times a week you’d like to spend time together. If the other person is weirded out by such a simple question – take note. That’s not a sign of healthy communication.
Expectations for the Future
Some of us date to get married, create a family, spend the rest of our lives together. Others date to have someone to share their life with right now, not wanting to think too much of the future. However, there are certain non-negotiables that need to be discussed. If you have expectations of when you want to get engaged and married, it’s better to express those than hold a grudge when it doesn’t happen. There’s nothing wrong with letting the other person know where you see your future going. If anything, it’s vital to know that you’re heading in the same direction. At the same time, if they are not okay with you wanting a ring after three months of dating, let that be an opportunity for dialogue. Explain why you expect it when you do and be open to hearing them out too.
Speaking of the future – don’t forget the biggest non-negotiable of all – children. I’ve seen relationships crumble after years of being together and being deeply in love because one person wanted children while the other one didn’t. The expectation of having or not having children is a major one that is unlikely to change.
Expectations in Daily Life
It will also make your life easier if you discuss the kind of communication you expect throughout the day. If you’re not okay with only receiving a message at the end of the day – express that. Obviously, take into account how busy the person is. But people are hardly ever too busy to send a quick message during the day to show that they are thinking of you. The secret is in being reasonable and communicating your needs without being critical. Say what you need, rather than pointing out where their behaviour is lacking.
Expectations for Occasions
We all have different ideas of how we like to be celebrated or things we want to do on special occasions. Express your expectations to your partner with enough notice. I know that some people will say that kills romance. I’d rather have clear communication than expect my partner to read my mind and then get disappointed when he doesn’t. It’s truly shocking how many people I’ve seen complain that their expectations aren’t met when they never vocalised them.
Final Thoughts
Our views of relationships are formed by what we see growing up, how we’ve been treated in the past and even by media. That means we all have different ideas of how relationships should look like and what makes us feel loved and seen. If you want to make sure that your expectations are met – stop expecting your partner to read your mind. Share it with them, foster healthy communication and listen to their expectations in return. Let me know if you have any questions about expectations in dating and how to set them!