There’s one topic I’ve been talking a lot about in real life and people seem to relate, it’s adult friendships – the struggle is real. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had one friend I would stick by for most of my life. Someone I would sit with at all of my classes, someone I would be in the same room in during school trips. Someone I trained with. I was so close with those friends, that people would mix up our names. We were inseparable. And then adulthood happened. My friends and I moved to different countries and everyone was for themselves.
Making Friends in a New Country
I moved to Scotland when I was 18. I’m very vocal about being an introvert (for an introvert, at least), but I was so insecure and shy when I first moved here. It was nearly impossible for me to make new friends. People would’ve had to go out of their way to befriend me. And some people tried. I had Lithuanian flatmates who were close friends and then we drifted apart. It wasn’t until I started working full-time that I made a really close friend. And then my childhood best friend moved to Scotland to study. I finally had a few people I could hang out with on a regular basis. Someone I could message out of the blue and they’d be up for hanging out. It was the same with them contacting me as well. Spontaneous road trips were the best.
Life Goes On
Unfortunately, those two friends have now moved abroad. The closest friendships I made within the church also ended up moving hours away. Since about a year ago now, I’ve felt like I’ve returned to square one. Having lived here for nearly 11 years now – that was not a nice place to be at.
Where I’m at Now with Friendships
That is not to say I don’t have friends now. I have some amazing girlfriends. But everyone seems to have someone they’re closer to. People have their own lives (to be expected), and meeting up with friends has become a “see you in two months” type of thing, rather than spontaneous road trips. It has been a huge readjustment and it hasn’t been easy. I’ve grieved friendships that were really close at one point and then realised they were doing me more harm than good.
What I’ve Learned About Friendships
There has been so much change when it comes to friendships, that I almost became nonchalant about who I ‘remove’ from my life. I’m glad that the friends who are far away in distance, but close enough in friendship, called me out on it. I’ve learned that it’s okay to protect my mental health by ending certain friendships. I also learned that it’s not a decision I should make lightly. I learned that I should show more grace to my friends who are busy living their lives.
Final Thoughts
If you’re in a stage of life where you only see friends on a monthly basis but want more closeness – I feel you. It takes time to readjust if you’re used to something so entirely different. In the end, I think the title of this post sums it up best. Adult friendships – the struggle is real. If you have any tips on how to get used to this type of friendships, or any opinions on this topic at all, I’d love to hear it!