Life is full of challenges and dealing with rejection is just one of them. I’ve always known that I don’t deal with rejection well. Whether that’s friendships, romantic relationships, or professional rejections. This year, my struggle of being rejected has taken on a new level.
My Experience With Rejection
While I dipped my toes in the pools of rejection over the years, I consider 2018 the year of romantic rejections. First, a guy who had been my best friend since I was 12 told me he found a girlfriend despite telling me he’d pray about our way forward just months earlier. Then, someone from church asked me out, only to change his mind a few days later. Next up, another guy from church managed to find me on Facebook after seeing me once. He introduced himself, initiated many conversations over text, only to ghost me. He reappeared a few months later, apologised, asked me out, and guess what? Ghosted me again.
I felt undesired, not good enough, and, unfortunately, like a failure. When you go through multiple rejections from people you’ve known for varying lengths of time, your mind tries to create a narrative that explains it. My narrative was that I wasn’t worthy of love, I was boring, I had nothing to offer.
My Current Experience with Rejection
I have now been unemployed for five months. That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without having a job. As someone who’s been financially independent since I was 18, having my bills paid by my husband doesn’t sit right with me. On top of that, employers repeatedly telling me that I have the skills and experience needed for the job but still didn’t quite make it, gives me flashbacks to 2018. The same narratives have come back into my mind. Does this mean I am a failure? Am I not good enough to get a job? Am I too quiet? Except these come as statements, rather than questions.
Changing Your Narrative
That negative voice in your head can become suffocating. In 2018 that led me to finally start counselling. I unfortunately left it too soon, but it opened my eyes to the narrative that goes on in my mind, and how nasty I can be when speaking to myself. Now that I’m back in that cycle, I keep reminding myself that one simple thing – I need to speak to myself like a friend. When you call yourself boring, a failure, worthless – imagine saying those words to someone you love. You simply wouldn’t! (If you’re a decent person). Another thing I’ve heard helps people, is looking at a photograph of yourself as a child. The harmless, innocent, inexperienced child who deserves unconditional love. Now is your chance to love that inner child. Be kind to yourself.
Final Thoughts
While I’m going through this season of rejection, as defeating as it’s been, it has also made me curious. I’m curious to see what God has in store for me. I’m eagerly awaiting the day when this waiting, the countless rejections and all the tears make sense. One thing I know for sure is that God is good, He’s always provided and He’s never let me down. He’s also taken me out of situations I didn’t want to leave, which in hindsight were the biggest blessing. So I choose to trust, pray, and patiently wait for the cycle of rejections to end.