I believe that everything happens for a reason, in God’s timing, but the unemployment blues have hit once again. I’ve been unemployed since the end of April, but it only really hit me last week. At first, it was nice to have free time to go flat hunting, pack up my stuff, and plan the final details for the elopement. Then came the elopement itself, the honeymoon, and eventually handing in the keys to the flat I’d lived in for the past eight years. Suddenly, it’s quiet.
What are Unemployment Blues?
As far as I’m aware, it’s a term I made up a few days ago to explain how I was feeling. I’m a person who likes being productive, who thrives in a routine and having regular social interactions with a wide range of people (how not introvert of me). Since everything quieted down a couple of weeks ago, I was once again hit by how much free time I have. The long, silent hours in between my husband leaving for work and coming home. Hours I try to fill with tidying up, looking for work and occasional outings to meet someone/go for an appointment.
My Dark Lonely Thoughts
A lot of people tell me to enjoy this time. I’ll never have this much free time again. While this may be true, I’ve heard it all before. Multiple times now. Perhaps knowing that it’s happened before on a few occasions is what frustrates me most about those comments. I don’t enjoy the quiet seasons, and I don’t enjoy it when they happen every year. Last year I was unemployed for four months. Towards the end of it, I was questioning my abilities, my relationships, and my self-worth.
The Joy of Familiarity
While it sounds all doom and gloom, here’s the silver lining – I’ve been through it before. I recognise those thought patterns now and know where they’re coming from. Those thoughts about being lonely aren’t there because I don’t see my friends as often. If anything, I see them more in my unemployed seasons than I do while working 9-5. I apologise to any friend who’s been pressured to be there for me in these quiet seasons.
I know that the thoughts of inferiority and questioning my skills don’t come from facts but rather fears. The longer it takes to find a job, the more I question what I’m doing with my life. Then I eventually get a job, feel like an imposter for a while and then start seeing the value that I bring to the company.
Final Thoughts
It may be a challenging season going through unemployment blues, but I know that it’s a temporary season. I know that I can control my thoughts, recognise them for what they are, and exchange them for self-compassion. If you’re going through unemployment or anything that makes you question your value or relationships, know that you’re not alone.