I’ve been more quiet on the blog this year and I thought I’d come and tell you about 2024 so far. As I mentioned in a blog from the start of the year, the beginning was rough. Unfortunately, that seems to have set the tone for the year so far.
2024 challenges
Here are some practical challenges I am currently facing – Monday will be my last day of work at GCC. It’s been a great place to work, I’ve achieved some awesome results, but unfortunately, they’re not in a position to extend my contract. At the same time, my fiance and I are looking for a place to move to next month, so we’re ready to move in together once we get married. Which is also next month. A lot of these challenges have all come at the same time.
When we set the date, I knew that my contract was up in the air and it was possible that I would face all of this while unemployed. Technically, I won’t become unemployed until the 26th, but it still leaves me in a tricky position.
My Emotional Struggles
Here’s what’s the most challenging to me – believing in myself. I have the numbers, I have the proof of everything I’ve accomplished in my current role. Yet with every rejection I get for a job application, it takes another chunk of my self-esteem away. It’s as if I see the facts of what I can do, but the fact that others don’t give me a chance to show it to them, makes me feel delusional.
On top of that, I absolutely hate not being productive. I hate having lots of free time. Controversial, I know. I need to be doing something, to feel useful. I know from my past experiences that the period of job hunting can be a mentally taxing process for me. Not just because of rejections, but because there are only so many jobs you can apply for in a day. Then what?
The Paradox of it All
The most frustrating thing is that this should be a very happy season for me. I’m about to marry the man of my dreams. I’m content, I’m planted in a great church, I have good friends. I have so much to look forward to. Yet this one aspect of employment and what it means for flat hunting, for my daily routine – completely diminishes most of my joy. I know that I am blessed, I know that I have savings to get me through for a while. What I am lacking is patience and positivity.
What’s Next
So to all of those who are fellow believers, please pray that I can find a job soon. I know I’ve asked for this before, and it seems to be an ongoing pattern in my life. Every 6-12 months I feel lost and unsure of what’s next. I’m ready now for a permanent job that will give me security and the ability to progress my life in other areas.