Why It Matters Who You Surround Yourself With

I recently spoke to a friend who got married not long ago and really understood why it matters who you surround yourself with. The friend said she loves married life, but people keep telling her “Just wait”. I was glad to hear she refuses to allow that kind of talk into her life . She speaks positive things about her marriage and what’s to come. But it made me realise how long I didn’t care enough about what narrative about relationships and the dynamics between men and women I allowed into my life.

Be Wary of the Negative Narrative

Over the past decade, I was surrounded by a community that talked down on women and called them crazy. They preached from the platform about how their wives constantly nag them – that was the norm. Men would tell me that the only reason they sign up for a life with a woman is because of their anatomy. They don’t actually like women and who they are as human beings. Now, do you think that could lead to a healthy marriage? Would that woman be respected, cherished and honoured? I don’t think so. I at least definitely struggled to see that in my circle.

But here is why you should make sure that is not the norm for you. The longer you spend in environments like that, the more normal it becomes. The longer you hear that women are crazy and were created to satisfy men’s needs (actually desires, but that’s a topic for another day), the more likely you are to start believing it. 

And it wasn’t just the people in my life. It was also videos I was consuming. Here’s a negative shoutout to the Relationship Goals series by Michael Todd. Michael Todd said a man needs sex like he needs water. If he is constantly thirsty and his wife isn’t giving him any, he’ll just go get it somewhere else. I thought this was the truth. I believed that if I didn’t want a man to commit adultery, it was my responsibility to satisfy his ‘needs’. However, I am grateful that even in that season, I had friends who called it out and said that it was not biblical, not moral, and not true.

Surround Yourself With Healthy Couples

Sometimes it’s easier said than done, and we never know what happens behind closed doors. But, I think I’ve experienced enough to know what it looks like on the outside when there are also deep issues behind closed doors. I truly believe, that if you want to have a healthy marriage, you need to surround yourself with examples of exactly that. Surround yourself with couples where both partners are equal. Where they’re equally respected and honoured by one another. Make that your norm, and expect that and nothing less in your own life.

Final Thoughts

It’s hard to imagine a reality that you’ve never seen in your own life. If you’ve never seen a man speak highly of his wife, why would you think that’s possible? In my experience, it then leads to lowered expectations and accepting abuse as a normal part of life,. It’s the start of many other unhealthy patterns. That’s why it matters who you surround yourself with. Choose people who will make a positive impact on your view of relationships. Choose people who have decades of experience and still speak kindly of one another.

Be in an environment where marriage is regarded as a safe haven, a place of rest, and a relationship you need to keep investing in. Not one where the woman submits, the man leads and there is no nuance, no discussion, and women are generally regarded as crazy. Believe me when I say, at least deep down, you’ll start believing something that you hear said about you all the time.