If you’re wondering how to know if you’ve met the one, I’ll start by saying that I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe there is just one person for each of us and if we don’t find them we’re doomed for loneliness. I believe we all have free will and freedom of choice. It’s not so much about meeting this one specific person. It’s more about meeting someone who is willing to put in the effort and the work into the relationship. Now that I believe I’ve met my person, I’ll share how I realised he was ‘the one’.
How did I Know He Was The One?
My fiance and I had to answer this a few times over the last couple of weeks, as we recently got engaged (woohoo!). And we both share similar responses – it was gradual. There was no specific moment when either one of us thought “Yeah, it’s meant to be, he/she is the one”. It was about taking our time getting to know each other, having deep conversations and being vulnerable.
How Long It Took Us to Know
It’s hard to pinpoint as it was gradual, but I think both of us have said around 6-7 months. Which, to some people will seem crazy short. To others, it’ll be “How did you not know straight away?”. We all have different timelines. We also have different sizes of walls built up to protect us. I definitely took time to lower mine. I actually took pride in saying I hadn’t cried in front of Luke for the first nine months of us dating. Then I realised that came from a place of fear of rejection. But through it all, we were patient with each other, listened with empathy, and continued asking questions and trying to get to know each other.
How Compatible Should We Be?
I’m not sure how, but I feel like compatibility became almost like a swear word in church settings. I’ve heard multiple pastors say it doesn’t exist, or it doesn’t matter. I disagree strongly. Dating has been so much easier when the person I’m with enjoys the same things I do. It reduces the amount of compromises we need to make. But, I also recently saw a woman speak of how different she and her fiance are, and how that has helped each of them grow by learning more about each other. I think the ultimate compatibility you should pay attention to are values, beliefs, and what you want in life. But it does make things easier when you also enjoy living life in a similar way.
Qualities That ‘The One’ Should Have
Now, while we will all choose different people to spend our lives with, I think there are specific characteristics that a good partner has. You should be with someone who respects you, who is kind, patient, not jealous, who makes you feel safe. Basically 1Corinthians 13:4-8. Please go read those verses if you haven’t, it truly encompasses what healthy love looks like. Another thing a close friend told me before I’d even started dating, was to pray for the person to be teachable. When someone listens to your expectations, needs and desires and delivers – to me that’s the ultimate sign that they care about you and the relationship. And sometimes we don’t have the capacity to fulfil each other’s needs. That’s when I think it’s important to remember that we’re not supposed to complete each other. It’s more so about complimenting one another.
Final Thoughts
I know I’ve never been married and life could still throw a lot of curveballs at me. But I do believe I’ve figured out how to know if you’ve met the one. And while it might be a boring answer, to me it’s all about being with someone who makes you feel safe, someone you can rely on, your values and beliefs align, and you simply love spending time together. I really think it’s that simple. Don’t chase fireworks, chase stability. Because in stability, when fireworks come, it’ll be safe and beautiful, rather than terrifying.