First, let me tell you what I mean by friendships in different seasons. We all go through different seasons in life, such as childhood, teenage years, and college/uni. Then, for some, comes the season of parenthood, some experience seasons of grief, self-discovery, and boundary-building. Every experience we go through shapes us and can change the way we do friendships. When it comes to friendships in adulthood, there are a few questions you may be asking yourself.
Question About Friendships
What Makes a Good Friend?
I’m sure everyone has their own response to this question, but here is mine. I think to be a good friend you need to be kind, compassionate, a good listener that seeks to listen more than to talk, supportive but honest, selfless, and intentional about making time for your friends.
However, that has to go both ways. If you’re the one always listening and not getting a word in, there’s only so much listening you can do before you start feeling used. If that becomes the case, it’s important to communicate that in a kind way. Friendship is all about communication that goes both ways.
How to Make Friends
It’s undeniably harder to make friends in your late 20s than it was when you were a kid or teenager constantly surrounded by your peers. It’s even harder if you work from home or have nothing in common with your coworkers. That’s when intentionality kicks in even before you’ve made those friends. You have to be intentional about meeting people. The great thing is, as long as you have a hobby and/or are willing to step out of your comfort zone, there are many ways to meet people. If you like exercising or a particular sport, sign up to group classes or talk to people you see around. Chances are, everyone is equally scared to start the conversation but would love some company.
There are also apps that help you make friends. I haven’t personally tried it, but I know that Bumble has the option to look for friends rather than romantic partners. There is also an app called Meetup where you can find people who are also looking to build their community and meet new people. Be open to new connections, step out of your comfort zone and watch where that takes you!
When Is It Time to End a Friendship?
This is a difficult one. When we’re little, we imagine that we’ll be Best Friends Forever with the people we called our best friends then. That’s often not the case. As we grow up our values change, our sense of purpose can be difficult. Suddenly friendships are not just about who you enjoy hanging out with, but who will be there when you’re going through challenges, who will be honest with you and call you out when you’re wrong, who will respect your boundaries and act in a way that honours them.
I think it’s time to end a friendship when the person causes you pain with no remorse or change. Also, as I just mentioned, when your boundaries are disrespected. If you’ve expressed them clearly, multiple times, and the person still oversteps them – perhaps it’s just not worth it. Another good reason to end a friendship is if they’re a bad influence on you. If you see that you’re suddenly changing your language and behaviour to fit in, take a step back. Evaluate whether you can uphold your morals and values while being friends with the person. I think it’s 100% possible and some of my absolute closest friends have different values than I do. What it comes down to is mutual respect and understanding.
How to End Friendships Well
I have to be honest here. I hate confrontation so much that the friendships I’ve ended – I ghosted. I’m not even sure those people know I no longer consider them friends. I do it gradually, slowly removing myself, responding less and less. While it can work and sometimes make sense, I think there are better ways of doing it.
Having a mature, respectful conversation about why you think the friendship should end is one way. It can be a really challenging conversation for both parties. However, I think if done by communicating clearly and not just throwing accusations, it can be beneficial in learning how to be a better friend.
How to Deal with Friendships in Different Seasons
If you see that you’re in a new season of life, chances are some of your friendships will change. And that’s okay. If you’re entering a season of parenthood, it will make sense to have more friends who are also parents as they’ll be able to advise you and support you, as well as understand better what you are going through.
If you’re in a season where you’re trying to stop gossiping (hi), then it’s a good idea to limit people who don’t respect that and drag you down with them. I’d say the same goes with being in a season of building boundaries. If you’re learning to stand your ground and notice that a specific person constantly oversteps them, perhaps limit contact for your own well-being.
Final Thoughts
Friendships can be complicated but also beautiful. My 3 closest friends moved abroad in a span of two years, the most recent one being seven months ago and I feel like I’m still recovering. It takes time to reshape what your friend circle looks like. It can also be challenging to decide who is safe to allow into your inner circle. Mistakes are bound to happen. But once you find the right people – it can be one of the most wonderful parts of life. If you’re going through a change in your friendships, I’d love to hear from you! Friendships in different seasons can be hard, let’s do this together.
This was a great read. Thank you! ☺️
Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for taking the time to read it 😊