Most of use are so eager to meet our person that we don’t even stop to think about whether we’re ready for it. So, when are you ready to date? I think there are many things to consider. The reason for that is to make sure you will guard your own heart as well as that of the person you end up dating. We all have our stories and ways different relationships or even friendships have impacted us.
10 Signs You’re Ready to Date
This list could be longer depending on your circumstances, but I think it’s a good beginner’s guide. Here’s what I’d recommend you look into.
1. When You Know Your Worth
In my opinion, this is the most crucial step. If you think you are worthless, undeserving of love – you’ll either date someone who treats you as such, or end up relying on someone else to constantly reassure you. Neither one of those options is healthy. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, it might be worth going to counselling to identify where those thoughts stem from. I know it worked wonders for me and helped me become more self-aware overall. In case you’re not aware, counselling doesn’t have to be expensive or take months to access. There are donation-based services that take people’s financial circumstances into consideration. If you’re in Glasgow, I’d recommend Healing for the Heart.
2. When You’ve Healed Your Wounds
Speaking of counselling. Before you date, do your best to heal your wounds. Whether it’s from past dating experiences or feeling unloved throughout your life, you can’t put those burdens on your future partner. If you have trust issues because someone in the past cheated on you or blindsided you, that is something you need to deal with. If you’re struggling with that, once again, counselling is a great option to work through those feelings.
3. When You’re Not Just Seeking Validation
We all have an ego and we all want to be chosen. It can make us feel special and loved when someone chooses to date us. However, it’s important that you don’t go into dating with that being your priority. Your priority should be getting to know the person. Finding out if you’d even want to be chosen by someone like that. Your own value should come from within, not from outside sources.
4. When You Know How to Self-Regulate
Even if you’ve worked on your self worth, past trauma and trust issues, chances are – you’ll still get triggered. What matters is how you respond in those moments. Do you blow up at the other person or do you take a deep breath and reflect before speaking? It’s important to remember that the person you’re now dating is not the person who hurt you in the past. Learn ways to communicate your triggers in a way that doesn’t put the responsibility or your emotions on the other person. While your partner should be understanding and able to comfort you and make you feel safe, you should also know how to deal with those triggers on your own.
5. When You’re Open to Getting to Know Different People
In a previous blog post about Christian dating done right I wrote down my list of what I was looking for. Those were my non-negotiable character traits and ways I wanted to be treated. However, if your list includes detailed description of someone’s appearance and insignificant habits, you may want to rethink that. Dating is about getting to know people and finding the right one for you. While attraction is absolutely important and crucial in a romantic relationship, don’t write people off because they’re a few inches too short or too big for you. Good looks fade, it’s the character that matters most.
6. When You Know What You Want
Speaking of lists of things you want. Are you looking for a husband/wife? An opportunity to explore and get to know different people? Whatever stage you’re at, you should know what the end goal is before you go into it. That way you won’t waste anyone else’s time, as well as not let them waste yours if end goals don’t align.
7. When You Can Communicate Your Expectations
Which leads us to communicating our expectations. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, are you able to communicate that? If you expect to see someone a certain amount of times a week, is it easy to express that? Expectations are normal and expected. It’s important to know how to express those. And no, saying to someone that you’d like to see them 3-4 times a week is not controlling. If they say they’d rather only see you once a week, you then get to decide whether that’s something you can accept. If you expect to become official after a month of dating, you should also be able to express that. And I’m not talking to guys here. It’s 2023, it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. If you have certain expectations – voice them.
8. When You Have Trusted People Around You
This may sound odd, but I think it can be really helpful to have trusted people around you when you first start dating someone. While you’re wearing rose-coloured glasses, those people will tell you things as they are. They’ll be able to ask about red flags, how the dates went, and point out things you might not see. Then it’s your duty to remember that those people wish you the best and to listen to their insights and concerns.
9. When You Know Boundaries
You need to know your own boundaries and be ready to respect the boundaries of someone else. Especially in Christian dating, people can have very varying boundaries. Some have curfews, to others it may seem pointless. It’s important to hear the person you’re dating out and create a safe environment for getting to know one another. What may seem silly to you can be vital for someone else’s sense of security and building trust.
10. When You’re Not Doing it out of Loneliness
Last but not least, don’t go dating because you’re lonely. This may seem counterintuitive, but if you’re looking to fill a hole, you’ll fill it with whatever comes along first. As long as you get your quality time, cuddles or anything else you’re craving, it won’t matter that your values don’t align. Date because you’re ready to be a partner to someone. Date when you know that even if you don’t find someone immediately, you’ll be ok.
Final Thoughts
Dating can be exhilarating and fun, but it can also be exhausting. Give yourself time, show yourself grace, and let people around you look out for you in the process. When you’ve done the work on yourself, set clear boundaries and learned more about healthy communication and then meet someone, it’s easy. Choose yourself first, then look for someone you want to choose.