This year has been a year of growth for me, and a huge part of that journey has been books, which is the reason for this post – 2022 a year in books – my top 5. I am currently sitting at 21 books read this year. While some books were definitely not my favourite, I didn’t realise how hard it would be to pick my top 5! The major reason for the top 5 books being the ones I’ve chosen is the effect they had on me. Without any further ado, here are my top 5.
My Top 5 Books of 2022
1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
This book was recommended to me by my counsellor. I don’t know how, but I feel like the concept of boundaries wasn’t really part of my life before reading this book. I knew the word no and occasionally said it to people, but I didn’t understand just how important boundaries were. When I initially picked up the book I was really eager to see what specific boundary issues I had. I was surprised that in a chapter describing people who don’t know how to say no, I found a whole list of words and expressions that I had, in fact, said. It was eye-opening to then read about people who manipulate the boundaries of other people. That was the part of the book that answered most of my questions.
But the book goes a lot deeper than that. It’s important to mention that it’s a Christian book and all the principles are based on the Bible and how God shows boundaries. However, if you’re a non-believer, I think this book is still full of tips that can be useful to anyone. The book talks about boundaries with yourself, at work, and with other people, the way children set boundaries at different ages and the importance of allowing them to explore them.
If you are a Christian, I cannot stress the importance of reading this book. It can be so easy to get caught up in a culture that glorifies serving God and others no matter what you are going through. A culture that says “It’s about your availability, not your ability”. A culture where missing a Sunday at church is shamed. None of that is godly or biblical. While we are called to serve one another and use our gifts, all of that has to be done with boundaries in place.
The final thing I’ll say about this book – I’m still working on my boundaries. And I’m so glad that I have now encouraged a bunch of people to read this book, as they’re now the ones reminding me that I’m allowed to say no to people.
2. Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman
John Gottman has spent decades of his life researching what makes a relationship work. I got this Eight Dates book just as I started seeing my current boyfriend. It seemed a bit nuts at first as some of the questions were really intense and personal, but it was such a catalyst for getting to know each other better. Every chapter is a date based on a different topic: trust & commitment, addressing conflict, sex & intimacy, work & money, family, fun & adventure, growth & spirituality, and dreams. With every topic come examples of couples and how those topics affected them, and their stories. They also come with lists of questions to ask each other, sometimes even questionnaires to fill out. And they’re not shallow questions either; it’s about learning about your partner’s views on certain topics.
It also delves into where these views come from. For example, in the chapter about commitment, one of the questions is “How did your parents show commitment to each other? How did they show a lack of commitment to each other? In your mind, what do these things in your family history mean for the two of us?”
I think the most beautiful thing about this book is that it could benefit any couple at any stage in their relationship. We dived into it so early on that we skipped the chapter on intimacy, but I look forward to going back to it when it becomes relevant.
Another great thing is that at the end of the chapter, based on the topic, the authors give suggestions on what the date could look like to best facilitate conversations.
3. 1984 by George Orwell
I know this has long been a classic, but I only got around to reading it a few months ago. And it is so worth the hype and everyone talking about it. I think what surprised me about the hype is how much people said this book reminded them of Trump. I know he’s not the most likeable guy and did and said some really damaging things. However, to me, he’s nowhere near the evil of this book. As I kept reading it, all it reminded me of was Putin. The propaganda, the lies, the horrific crimes against humanity. The book was written in 1949 and somehow it feels so current it’s almost scary.
It took me a minute to fully understand the world and what was happening in the book, but once I got it – I couldn’t put it down. My favourite fiction book I’ve read this year.
4. When The Body Says No
At number four we have my recently finished and reviewed ‘When the Body Says No’ by Gabor Mate. I won’t go into too much detail as you can read my full review in my last post. But my favourite things about this book were the storytelling, the scientific research that backed up the claims, and the positivity despite the heaviness of the illnesses discussed.
5. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
I really hesitated putting this one out in the public because of the title. Mum and dad, if you’re reading this, this isn’t a personal attack on you. However, this book changed so much about how I view the dynamic of my family and the relationships in it. I couldn’t not include it in my top 5.
Millennials and the younger generations coming after us are more mindful of mental health than the generations before us. In my case, that means that despite the fact that both of my parents had really traumatic, abusive childhoods, neither of them ever addressed it with a professional. And while they lead normal lives, have friends, and love their children, it did affect how they respond to emotions.
The author even addresses how common it is for her patients who feel shame complaining about their childhoods because their parents had it so much worse. But it’s okay to recognise the pain and trauma our parents experienced, and acknowledge what happened in our own childhoods as a result. The book didn’t point fingers either. It helped me recognise where different issues come from. Also, it explained what emotional immaturity looks like, and how to navigate it going forward.
We can’t choose our families, but we can choose how we respond and what boundaries we set.
Honourable Mentions
As I mentioned at the start, I really struggled to pick my top 5 out of the 21 books I’ve read. Therefore, here are three honourable mentions of books that are too good to leave out.
Seeing Beautiful Again by Lyse TerKeurst
Seeing Beautiful Again helped me do just that – have hope for healing and better things ahead. I finished this book at the start of this year and it was a crucial step in my healing journey. Some days I opened it because nothing else would stop the sobbing. If you’ve gone through a loss, whether it’s of a person or a relationship, I can’t recommend this enough.
Thirst by Scott Harrison
This book was deeply inspiring. It’s the story of how Scott Harrison founded Charity:Water and the amazing work he’s done since. However, it’s also his testimony. To me personally, it was a reminder to never stop praying for people around us to find Jesus. Especially our family members.
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson
Jordan Peterson needs no introduction, his work speaks for itself. This book was the most challenging read because of the elaborate language that was used, but it had some great lessons in it. My favourite one, and one that stuck out to me most, is about how to be a better listener.
Final Thoughts
And that’s 2022 a year in books – my top 5 plus a few honourable mentions! If you’re looking for last-minute gifts for people you love, I’d highly recommend the books on this list. If you’re an avid reader, I’d love to hear what your favourites have been this year! And, if you have any recommendations for fiction – please share! I only read 3 fictional books and pretty much hated the 2 that are not on this list.